When you are a working parent, time becomes a very precious resource.
You’ll end up splitting most of it between your work and your family, and you’ll need to be very intentional to carve out some you-time if that’s something you want.
But sometimes, sometimes, the totally unexpected happens; you accidentally find yourself with some free alone-time. (Gasp!)
Maybe you are blessed to have relatives around you who suddenly offer to take your child out for a while. Perhaps you have arranged childcare due to appointments or plans, but those appointments or plans then fall through. You’ll find yourself without child responsibilities for a quantity of time and the possibilities may seem overwhelming!
These occasions are rare, but sometimes they do happen. This happened to me a few times and weirdly I found that I didn’t handle my child-free time very well!
After getting over the initial novelty of having two hands completely free and both eyeballs looking in just one direction, I’d end up doing one or all of the following:
- Frantically doing the hoovering or any other chores that ‘needed’ doing and exhausting myself for the rest of the day
- Feeling stressed-out about how to make the best use of the time and start (but not finish) about 10 different things
- Ignore any thoughts about restful things I might like to do (like have a nice bath) because it felt too indulgent and I should ‘be more productive than that’
- Constantly watch the clock and worry about my me-time slipping away
- Freeze in decision-paralysis, completely incapable of deciding what to do
Who would have thought free time could cause me so much anxiety?!
That last one was particularly frustrating due to the number of times I know that I’d said to myself “If I just had 5 minutes on my own, I’d do [thing]”. When it came down to it, do you think I could I remember any of these things being suddenly faced with free time?
No I ruddy couldn’t!!! But you can bet that the next time I was up to my ears in work tasks and family admin, I’d come up with another idea “If I just had a free half-hour I could…”
So I’d end up pottering, or not doing much of anything at all, and feeling really exasperated when the child-free window closed. I’d missed my chance to do something, anything that I’d wanted to do, simply because I couldn’t remember what it is I actually want to do!
To make sure this didn’t happen again, I started keeping a list of all my “If I just had some free time” thoughts and ideas. It’s on my phone, which is usually nearby, so when these things pop into my head, I can just jot them down.
Some of them are weird 3am thoughts that I end up deleting. None of them are linked to a deadline so I’m ok with parking them on the list until I get chance to look at it.
I try to make sure the list is focused on things I’d like to do, and not based on what would suit or help anybody else. I do enough of that in my not-free time.
I’ve also made sure I include some ‘indulgent’ things on there, like having a bath. If I’m not feeling tip top when I get accidental me-time then it’s good to have a reminder of things that make me feel nourished and tended to.
Armed with a written list of things I would do with some random alone-time, I’m much better equipped to deal with that alone-time arising. I can open up the list, take a look at what’s on it, and pick something from it to spend time on. Or, looking at the list will spark a completely new idea that I hadn’t even written down, and I spend time on that instead. Either way, this makes me feel like I’ve used my time wisely rather than wasting it just trying to think of what to do.
The other added bonus is that I’m usually a bit re-energised when I’m reunited with my child, having spent some time on myself. Everyone’s a winner.
Have you got your “If I just had 5 minutes” list? What’s on it?! Share in the comments or email me at juggle.struggle1234@gmail.com
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