Remembering my life before kids is like watching a movie of myself. I almost don’t believe that there was a life before kids, let alone that these were the places I went and the things that I did!
When I first became a parent, if I had ‘one of those days’ (if you’re a new-ish parent you know the ones;) where you’ve had not much sleep, and somehow you haven’t left the house, and conversations with a 1-year-old are repetitive at best, and other child-free people are audaciously living their best lives without you according to Instagram…
If I had one of those days – these are the things I’d miss about my life before kids:
Leaving the house with only my handbag
Or better yet, just my keys and my phone. No gigantic mum-bag filled with all of the just-in-case snacks, and nappies, and bottles, and toys, and wipes, and spare clothes, not to mention the mental load of packing and repacking that thing just to make sure it’s all there (because getting caught short is a literal disaster).
Getting drunk
Never were these my finest moments but my goodness somehow they were so much fun (most of the time). Even the hangovers were bearable because you could stay in bed uninterrupted until 12pm and eat Haribo in peace.
Eating food in peace
Hot cups of tea. Dinner without tiny fingers poking in there. Dinner without getting up 12 times to get more ketchup, or feed the cat, or pick up the bowl from the floor. Imagine actually concentrating on food AT ALL.
Freedom
Freedom is going for a swim just because I fancy it in the moment. Freedom is pottering about at the shops and buying a new lipstick I didn’t need because I had time to peruse the shades, plus I hadn’t spent all my money on formula. Freedom is staying after work for a drink. Freedom is not freaking out about the logistics of getting the buggy in the boot of the car. Freedom is not timing your life around naps. Freedom is not being constantly responsible for another human being.
However…
(You had to know there was a however coming…)
As much as I miss my life before kids, I also know there are things I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for becoming a parent.
Shit-hot prioritisation skills
I thought I was good at prioritising before I had a kid – then the kid comes along and now I am a black belt in prioritisation.
If it’s not a life-threatening issue, it can wait. The end.
Some much-needed self-belief
Turns out I can do amazing things. Like grow another human person inside me, and then produce that person out of my…person.
When I’m staring at my computer screen at work thinking “I can’t do this” or that nightmare jumping jacks track has started at my Clubbercise class and I’m thinking “I can’t do this…”, in my head I go back to my labour, where I birthed another human into existence, the most miraculous of all things, and then I think; “Ok, if I can do that, then I can do this…”
A new perspective on what’s important
When you’re young and don’t have kids – some things can feel absolutely massive. That job promotion you didn’t get. The date night that was awkward. Not getting an invite to a wedding.
Once you have a kid you realise that a lot of things matter much less than you think.
If you can see yourself through your child’s eyes you start to realise that they don’t care what your job is, how many friends you’ve got, or what your waist measurement is. All they want to know is that you love them, and you want to spend time with them.
Realising this has been another form of freedom for me – I’ve been able to let so many things go.
I’m a totally different person than before I had kids. I’ve learned so much about myself.
I’m not saying that if you don’t have kids you don’t learn anything about yourself – not at all. I’m just saying in those moments where I think about my life BC (Before Children) – I miss the old life but not necessarily the old me.
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