I thought I was quite well prepared for Going back to work after maternity leave.
There were post it notes all over the house so that I didn’t forget things in the morning, but apart from that, I was quietly confident that I was winning.
I found it immediately refreshing to be in an environment surrounded by adults. There was zero dribble. There were projects to be planned and I was in my element of list writing and process designing.
But a message on my phone threw me right off my stride:
“Gosh you must be missing bub so much!”
Erm, nope. (Awkward.)
The fact is, I wasn’t.
I knew he was safe and my head was fully immersed in work-mode. Should I have been missing him?
I brushed it off. But then someone else asked me the same thing.
“I bet you’re missing your little one now that you’re back?”
And then someone else told me how much they missed their kid when they went back to work, and someone else agreed with them, and friends said it, and family said it, and people on tv said it, and all the while this chipped away at my confidence.
Was I normal?
Was I a bad mum for not missing my child while I was at work?
Should I pretend that I miss him so that people don’t think I’m weird/call social services?
Talk about a thought spiral.
I did what every first time mum does and worried about it in secret, of course.
I didn’t want to risk admitting it out loud, so instead I asked my close friends if they missed their kids when they went back to work. A lot of them said yes, but also luckily they were honest about appreciating the time out from playing mum as well.
So for anyone out there who is going back to work and not missing your child, I want to tell you you are not alone, nor a bad parent!
I think muscle memory plays a part; before I had my baby I was obviously used to going into the office and just getting stuck into work, because I’d previously had no baby to think about.
It makes sense that when I went back to the office after maternity leave, I was pretty conditioned to focusing on work in that environment, and so I simply reverted back to that.
Also, I think quite honestly my brain enjoyed the mental rest of just focusing on one thing at a time, rather than constantly being on the look-out for the 50 dangerous things a toddler is trying to do approximately every 5 minutes.
I did tend to check-in on how childcare was going at least once through the day, but not because of a sense of longing, more just to know what I was going to go home to!
For anyone self-criticising over this, it’s another version of mum-guilt. Try not to let it get to you. I think I was a better parent when I got home from work because I’d had a chance to reset my mum energy levels. I also think it’s important for my child to see me working hard to support the family. That’s something I’m happy to model. And my child is still safe and loved – in the end that’s what really matters.
Can we let it be ok to not miss our children when we’re working please. Being a parent doesn’t define us. Neither does work. As humans, we’re so much more than that.
If you’ve had a similar experience, drop a comment on this blog or email me at juggle.struggle1234@gmail.com.
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