It’s taken me way too long to learn that to win at the Juggle Struggle of working parent life, you have to learn to say no. Often.
It’s not really about juggling everything, that’s a tired old myth, because nobody can. The Juggle Struggle is about being smart and carefully picking the things you need/can/want to juggle, and saying no to the rest.
With a long history of people pleasing myself, saying yes is usually my default position. I have been practising saying no but still find it hard!
If this sounds like you too, let’s do this together: the 5-day Say No challenge!
Day 1: Say ‘no’ to your to-do list
Are you in the habit of juggling so much you just get into ‘doing’ mode and keep doing everything, regardless of whether it’s important, until you collapse into bed and more list-ticking again the next day?
Take a look at your to-do list today – I bet there’s something on there that won’t harm anyone or stop the world from turning if you don’t do it. So, don’t do it! Especially if you won’t enjoy it either. Say no to something on your to-do list.
Day 2: Say ‘no’ to your phone
Be honest, how many minutes/hours a day do your eyeballs get dragged into your phone, when you could be doing pretty much anything else?
Be even more honest, is the time you’re spending on your phone actually useful? Or are you:
- Letting your boundaries slip and checking your work emails on your days off?
- Scrolling through content that makes you feel a bit worse about yourself somehow?
- Buying random shit on Amazon?
(I’ve been guilty of all of these.) Our phones have become such useful tools but they can also be a drain. Put yours out of reach for a few hours today and see if it frees up your brain space to focus on other things.
Day 3: Say ‘no’ to a work meeting
Your time is precious. Don’t give it up willy-nilly to people who can’t give you a good reason for using it.
Did you get invited to a work meeting…
- With no context or agenda?
- That you think is going to be a waste of your time?
- Scheduled at a time that doesn’t work for you?
There’s a lovely decline button that you can press. Press it. Go on, press it. I double dare you.
(Obviously, be sensible about this and don’t decline anything that genuinely sounds important like “Annual review” from your boss…)
If it’s really that important, you’ll get another invitation, so don’t be afraid to ask people to clarify exactly why your time is needed.
Day 4: say no to a person
I find this one the hardest, which is why I’ve left it until last. We’ve been flexing our ‘no’ muscles over the last 3 days and now’s the time to really give them a workout.
If someone has asked you to do something, or invited you somewhere, or worse, assumed you’ll go along with something – you can say no. Again, nobody is likely to be harmed and the world is unlikely to implode when you do this. Take a deep breath and do it.
You can even work up to this by practising ‘no’ phrases in the mirror;
- “No, thank you.”
- “No, that doesn’t work for me.”
- “No, that’s not convenient for me.”
- “No, I’m not interested.” – this one is for those ruddy cold callers (I usually say it’s not a good time and ask them to call me back, why do I do that?! Just say no…)
Bonus points if you can avoid giving an explanation or justification for your no. For people-pleasers especially I think there is a reflex action to give some evidence for why we’re saying no, to soften the blow.
Remember that ‘no’ is actually a complete sentence. You don’t need to give a reason.
Day 5: Say ‘no’ to more things!
Well done! Together we’ve done 4 days of saying ‘no’, to our task lists, to pointless work meetings, and to people’s requests.
Now that we’re building the habit of saying no, we just have to keep it up. Say ‘no’ to more things!
That top in your wardrobe that you always think ‘meh’ when you put it on, say ‘no’ and throw it out.
The voice in your head that criticises you and things you do – say ‘no’ and kick that voice out.
Once you start with the ‘no’s, you’ll find that you can say no more and more, like a delicious Pringles tin of ‘no’ that streamlines your life and eases your Juggle Struggle.
Drop me an email at juggle.struggle1234@gmail.com and let me know how you got on with the 5-day Say No challenge.
I’ll keep you posted on what I’m saying no to on Facebook and Instagram (if you’re not following me there already then get involved!)
Happy juggling!
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